Chuck Norris doesn't blink. Reality pauses.
Chuck Norris is what makes the Central Nervous System nervous
Chuck Norris doesn't listen to heavy metal, he eats it for breakfast.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called logic
Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.
Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokémon cards
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago; Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
Some magicians can walk on water; Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can sneeze while holding his breath
Chuck Norris doesn't make left turns because everything he does is right
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it
When Chuck Norris plays Pac-Man the ghosts stay in their box
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
If Chuck Norris were to ever run out of ammo, his weapon would continue to fire out of fear of disappointing Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can check his Facebook on a typewriter.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris can make a Happy Meal cry.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
When you think that you are looking at Chuck Norris' picture, think again. He's looking at you.
Chuck Norris can't make 3D films. The roundhouse kick in 3D would kill.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only man to beat a brick wall at Tennis
Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake. After three days of pain and agony the rattle snake died
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
Chuck Norris can leave a message before the beep.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once bench pressed an 18 wheeler. With him inside it.
The dinosaurs once owed Chuck Norris money. They never paid him back...
Uri Geller bends spoons with his mind, Chuck Norris bends minds with a spoon
If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you, even Google won't be able to find you.
Chuck Norris wears sun glasses to protect the sun from his eyes.
Usually when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear. Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear
In the back of the book of world records, it says "All records are held by Chuck Norris. The ones listed are in second place."
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Chuck Norris can dive in the sea without getting wet. The water knows what will happen if you touch Chuck.
Chuck Norris was to star in Mission: Impossible but they recast it because they would've had to change the name of the movie to Mission: Accomplished
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. There is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take sh*t from anybody.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
