Bar talk

[Conrad]

I went to the pub last night, had a shot of Jack Daniels and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said to her, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so?"

I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now. "

***

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling their breasts.

"Really" she said, "Go on then... try."

After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.

"Come on, what day was I born"?

I said, “Yesterday."

[Gumby]

 

[VirginiaJim]

 

[ZG]

 

[Conrad]

A guy in a bar was about as drunk as it's possible to get.
 
A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and take him home.
 
First they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down.
He fell down eight more times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud.
After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting him to the door.

His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your husband home."
 
His Wife asks, " Where's his wheelchair?"

[ZG]

     

[Gumby]

I don't care who you are. That there is funny. 

[tjpgi]

Git er done