I had amnesia once — or twice. I forget.
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
I am neither for nor against apathy.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up,
he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists... they don't talk about other people.
My weight is perfect for my height...which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not so sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help groups?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
Is it just me, or do buffalo wings taste just like chicken
