$5.37

[redzgrider]

$5.37! That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupified. I am 53, not even 60 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind.

"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.

That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"

All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits..

Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast..

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.

Notice the larger type? That's for those of us who have trouble reading.

[ManWorkinghere]

I had trouble reading the type so I replied in a bigger font so you could see it. 

Next time don't type so fast because it takes me a while to read slow.

[Jay]

That was a good story.
Had to read it several times 'cause I forgot which part I just finished.
Did I say how good a story that was?
Oh, yes, there it is on the top.
And how I read it several times 'cause I kept forgetting...oh, there it is.
Gee, that was a good story.

[Miss Silvera]

Anybody know where I put my glasses?   Damnit...

[tjpgi]

My wife is priceless and quite thrifty. She takes great joy in saving money, especially when we receive the dreaded senior discount. Trying to look like I am younger than the senior discount age I ask the attendant ( lack of a better general term) do you want to see my ID??
Only to receive the reply," No sir that's OK, I trust ya". I would rather spend the extra few cents to pretend that I am not a senior but I prefer to have a happy wife.

I get even with the aging process though, when I put on my Scorpion Exo highly graphic helmet, with the silver coated, one way viewing shield and jump on my GSXR 1000 and hit speeds north of 120! I just hope when the Leos catch me that I can raise my shield and claim that I had a senior moment or that I wasn't wearing my reading glasses and thought I was only doing 30 MPH.

Great story though.. especially the cost of the burrito $300! , or was it a Taco or burro..or...oh forget it.

[jim_de_hunter]

Old fogey trick is to pull off the helmet as fast as you can to show the grey hair and beard.  Got me out of tailgating ticket the first week I had the Blue Monster.  Treachery and Guile will always win over youth and enthusiasm.

[Bosco]

OK I have a story.

I pulled up to home depot. I parked right next to the door where another bike was parked. As I pulled up an elderly man and a young boy were walking in. I passed them both and the young boy looked around as a parked and I jerked the throttle for good measure. I was facing both of them and the boy was obviously enamored with the bike. I swung my leg off the bike took off my gloves. Next I took off my full face helmet. As I took off the helmet. my full although greying head of hair and now (slightly) aged face were exposed. The boys jaw dropping and he looked at his grandpa and said, "Look grandpa, he's older then you are."

Well, that took the swagger out of me for that day.